Epilepsy is a gift, not a curse.

Seizures are scary. You have no warning and every time I get a reality check of how close I am to dying. It forces you to depend on others, which is frustrating if you have an independent personality. However, my epilepsy made me stronger. This is the story of how God gave me the courage to live and not survive.

Experiencing a seizure.

This date was terrible. My boyfriend and I were excited. We were going to a concert featuring video game music! Everything from Final Fantasy to Kingdom Hearts. Some of the most underrated music is found in video games. Afterwards, I decided to go to the bathroom.

Where am I? Why am I on the floor of the bathroom and why do I taste blood? Why are people staring at me? After sitting up, I was told I had a seizure.

Crap. Not again.

After looking around some more, I realized my head was very close to the toilet. If I had hit it, I wouldn’t be here.

After years of being seizure-free, why did my seizures return? The concert had flashing lights, but I thought I was going to be fine.

I continued to have seizures. For a while it was twice a week. After a month of being seizure-free, I thought it was finally over.

No.

I woke up on the kitchen floor, looking up at the table crowded by my family.

How are you feeling? Are you okay? Are you hurt?

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t answer.

God’s gift of courage.

The most amazing part is even though my boyfriend saw my seizures, he continued to stay. He was always very supportive and comforting. Before I knew it, we had been dating for almost two years when he proposed. At our wedding, walking down the aisle, I knew we would be together forever. How? I looked back at our dating story. He could have left any time, but stayed. We grew closer together. I grew closer to God. How many couples could say at their wedding they have already been through sickness and health?

I am still having seizures and have been married for seven years. In that time, I have traveled to different countries and states. I even hiked in the Grand Canyon. The most dangerous thing I’ve done is going on a hike in Maine. It was more like rock climbing, which I have never done before. Seizures or no seizures, if I were to let go at any time, I would have died.

Each one of these situations could have been devastating for me. But guess what? Now I know where to get the best food in Taiwan and Italy. I know what it’s like to stare at the Grand Canyon just because my mind cannot fully comprehend its beauty.

All because God gave me the courage to live and not survive.

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:10